Bell Business

What Todd Didn't Learn In College

In case you needed further proof that one can obtain a college degree and still be a colossal moron, allow me to present Todd Shriber, communications director for U.S. Rep. Denny Rehberg (R-MT). Since I can't find any pictures of Shriber on the web, here's Rehberg.

And here he is again holding a black child.

What an asshole! But this isn't really about him. (This is)(So is this)(He's also featured here) This is about his communications director, Todd Shriber, who apparantly has shit for brains.   

It's really bothering me that I don't have a picture of Todd for you, so let's just say he looks like this...

There, that's better.

Anyway, Todd works for Denny, and for the good people of Montana, and really for every tax-paying American citizen (makes about $1125/week). Anyway, Todd has been thinking about his college days, more specifically his grades. He's not so happy with his GPA. Thinks it might come back to haunt him or something. So he decided to do something about it.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Good for him! He's not just resting on his (shitty) laurels. He's actually getting off his butt and fixing the problem! He's a doer!

Agreed. But, unfortunately, he's also retarded.

He decided it would be a good idea to go online (to this website) and solicit a little help in smartsyismopopoplipse. What follows is hilarious.

Deep Thoughts Arvchive

Here's a page full of Deep Thoughts. Here's another one.

Wait until you're in a really really bad mood, then see how many you can read without laughing out loud. If you make it all the way through both pages you should consider chemical help.

Iggy Pop's Tour Rider

I can't credit WFMU enough for their excellent blog. I go through it all the time looking for cool links and it NEVER disappoints. As you can guess, that's sort of what I'm doing right now. It's the perfect antedote for being burned out on my political stories, as well as not wanting to talk about the Bears.

(go bears)

Anyway, courtesy of the best radio station in the world, and also the best blog, here is a link to Iggy Pop's hilarious tour rider.

Cartoon Birds Are Very Nice

The video is by Alex Budovsky. The song is by (The Real) Tuesday Weld. The link is, again, courtesy of WFMU.

Very cool.

Banterrific!

I don't know much about the band Venom. Apparantly, they're a speed metal band that likes to use lots of Satanic references. So far, so good, right?

The guy pictured at left is Cronos, their lead singer. The phrase "what's not to like?" springs to mind.

So why do I bring them up? Because they (mostly Cronos) are responsible for the BEST BETWEEN SONG BANTER EVER. First, a little back story about the gig, courtesy of national treasure WFMU.

In 1986, Black Metal legends Venom played what some thought of as an unlikely bill with Rollins-era Black Flag at famed punk dump City Gardens, in scenic Trenton, New Jersey. The club was a magnet for all types of unsavory social elements -- skinheads, criminals, bikers, leather-studded punks, people who liked Meat Beat Manifeto, and so forth. Anyway, the punkers, metalheads, and general thugs who turned out for the show not only got to witness two of the more badass bands of the era sharing a stage, but were also treated to some of the most (unintentionally?) hilarious between-song stage banter ever, courtesy of Venom's knuckle-dragging vocalist Cronos.

The story behind this recording is shrouded in mystery, but the local history texts claim that a Black Flag roadie recorded the entire show, cut out the middle sections of all the songs, and the subsequent stage banter and guitar intros/outros were released as an Ecstatic Peace single. The legacy of the recording is impressive, to say the least. It was sampled by the Beastie Boys on one of their records ("Because you're wild, man..... WIIIIILD!") and it's got more quotable one-liners than a Monty Python movie.

And, finally, here is the delicious banter. Enjoy. (Hint: Do not not click this link)